Opinion - There Is No One Way to be a Gypsy or Traveller Woman

I had never spoken openly about being a Romany Gypsy - until I watched Channel 4’s The Secret Lives of Gypsy Wives.

The Secret Lives of Gypsy Wives, which aired on 20 July, feels like another missed opportunity to show the nuance, individuality, and lived experiences of Romany and Traveller women. I needed to speak up, so I grabbed my phone and started talking.

I have never opened up about my experiences as a Romany woman before. I have never publicly talked about what it was like to grow up within our culture, the expectations placed on women, or the assumptions people make about our lives. But watching the programme made me want to speak, so I made a short video for social media.

I don’t want that video, or this article, to be seen as disrespectful to the individual women in the Channel 4 show. You do you, ladies - go and get that money! My disappointment is with the wider picture: the existence of the show, its title, and the way it is designed and marketed to be seen outside our communities.

It reinforces the same stereotypes so often seen in the media about Gypsies and Travellers - that we are uneducated, that we do not work, that we all live the same lives, and that one group of women can somehow represent an entire community.

But there is no single experience of being a Gypsy or Traveller woman.

That was the point I wanted to make with my video.

I was not trying to speak for every Gypsy or Traveller woman or suggest that my experience is the same as everyone else’s. I can only speak about my own life, my family, and the people I know.

My parents are both English Romany Gypsies, and I grew up experiencing life within my culture while also having a life outside of it. I went to school, college and university, had a career, and had friendships with people from outside the community.

I am also married to a non‑Traveller. My marriage is my own experience, and it is not a representation of every Gypsy or Traveller woman’s life - just as another woman’s marriage should not be used to define mine.

There are so many different ways that Gypsy and Traveller women live their lives. Some women want a traditional marriage and family life. Some want to focus on education, work, independence or a career. Some marry young, some later, and some choose not to marry at all. Some marry within the community, and some may not.

And all of those choices are valid.

Being a stay‑at‑home wife or mother is a perfectly valid choice. So is having a career, working outside the home, or choosing a completely different path. The important thing is that it should be our choice.

A woman should not be judged for choosing a traditional family life, just as she should not be judged for wanting a career or independence. None of those choices automatically make somebody more or less of a Gypsy or Traveller.

Since making my videos, I have also heard from other Gypsy and Traveller women who have shared their own experiences with me. One woman said she appreciated that I was speaking only from my own experience, rather than trying to speak for every Gypsy or Traveller.

That is something I think is really important.

I can speak about my own life, my family, and the people I know. But I cannot speak for every Gypsy or Traveller woman - and neither can one television programme.

Another woman pointed out that the idea that Gypsy and Traveller women have never worked is simply not true. Women have traditionally worked in many different ways, including fruit and potato picking, peg making, paper flowers, fortune telling, and wreath making.

These were genuine forms of work and trade, often passed down through generations and going back decades. They were ways for women to contribute financially, support their families, and make a living. They may not fit the modern idea of a conventional career, but they were work, nonetheless.

These are the perspectives I feel are often missing from conversations about Gypsy and Traveller women. We can be traditional and modern. We can be family‑oriented and independent. We can be stay‑at‑home mothers and wives, or we can work and have careers.

We can make completely different choices and still share the same culture.

I have also seen people point out that this is not the first time Gypsy and Traveller communities have felt unfairly represented by the media. Previous programmes have often focused on negative stereotypes and the most sensational aspects of our communities.

That history matters.

When people repeatedly see the same narrow portrayals of Gypsies and Travellers, it becomes even more frustrating when another programme reinforces those assumptions.

Television programmes can start important conversations and make people curious about communities they may know little about. But one programme cannot represent every Gypsy or Traveller woman, every family, or every experience.

I am proud to be an English Romany Gypsy woman. I am also my own person.

Those two things can exist together.

I can be proud of my culture while having my own opinions. I can understand tradition while also understanding the world outside of it. I can be married, independent, ambitious, and an individual.

There are lots of us like this out there.

There is no one way to be a Gypsy or Traveller woman. There is no one way to be a Gypsy or Traveller family. There is no one story that can represent us all.

There is so much more to us than people will ever see on Channel 4.

By Mia Newland Patton for Travellers Times

(Photograph: Mia Newland Patton (c) Luke Whittemore)