Anonymous writer warns: You need to tell someone you're struggling it will get worse if you don’t......

31 October 2019
Silhouette of women's head to the side

Travellers' Times has been sent this very moving poem and we are proud to publish it on behalf of the writer who would prefer to remain anonymous. If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this poem you can find advice and information on the ‘Its Kushti to Rokker’ webpage. 'It's Kushti to Rokker' is a campaign aimed at encouraging us all to be more open about our mental health and to start conversations with those who might need our support. 

You need to tell someone you're struggling it will get worse if you don’t.......

I am only 8 

Dear bullies what did I do to deserve being called fat and ugly 

You no it hurts when you say that 

Dear bullies I go home and cry over what you are saying 

Dear bullies, I’m not allowed to tell anyone how I feel 

I’m now checking the packaging on everything I eat because I hate myself because of what you have said I’m only 8 

I love school and now I don’t want to come because of you I don’t want to retaliate because I’m scared of getting in trouble from the teachers 

Dear bullies, I’m off to secondary school now and you are coming too 

Hormones have started 

And my mind is playing games with me 

I don’t know who I am anymore

I haven’t been allowed to grow into me because you’ve told me what I am 

Ok I’ve met someone now and I don’t know how to cope with these feelings is he going to think what the bullies think of me will I ever be good enough 

I’m scared to tell my mum I think I’m in love as she’ll probably tell me I’m too young 

Ok things aren’t going to plan I feel like I know he loves me but he’s not ready but it’s hurting me because I feel like it’s because of what I look like or haven’t shown him enough love because I don’t know how to 

Dear bullies, it’s happening again 

And now I’m 15 and starting to drink excessively even in school why have you done this to me 

Now I can’t cope with life 

I’m doing things I wouldn’t of dreamt of doing because of you 

I’m failing and I blame myself because you’ve made me this way 

I’m all alone my family hate me because of what I am doing 

Ok so now I’ve met him again 3 years on and all the feelings are still there I must love him what else could it be... but I’m a mess now how will he ever want me.. but he did because he did love me 

I wish I could tell him how I’ve been struggling but I can’t.

Ok relationship stuff Is proving hard I don’t feel good enough for the person I’m so deeply in love with I can’t live without him but the way I feel is making me ill to be with him because I’m constantly comparing myself to others and telling him he’s doing something wrong 

3 years on we have a baby now and I’ve pushed him away and he’s seeing someone else i think 

I’m pregnant again and my worries were confirmed there is someone else 

I’m going out of my head with heartache 

And now all the stress has caused me to go into premature labour with our son and he’s to tiny to survive 

Baby boy I’m sorry I love you 

I blame myself 

I kissed my mum for the first time since I was small because of this so god I thank you you brought me one step closer to finding myself 

I’m now a protector and I’ll take anyone’s worries on 

I hide my feelings still because I have to be strong 

Now I have 4 kids we made it but not without struggle

Post-baby body I hate you 

I hate that the way I look stops me from being close to the only man I have and ever will love.

I hate that I feel so awful about myself that I cry and get anxious about showing my body to the man of my dreams 

I hate that I have to close my eyes because Of how bad I see myself I’m scared to see his face when he sees me 

I hate that I can never feel even just ok just a little bit relaxed 

I hate that my bond is disappearing with the man I love so much because I can’t allow him to be close to me 

I hate that he has to understand that I have to stay dressed 

I have to cover every single part of my body and he’s ok with that but I hate that he has to be

I hate myself for not believing every lovely thing he says to me like your so beautiful I love everything about you but I can’t make myself believe what I absolutely don’t see 

I hate that I compare myself to others and ask him if he would rather someone else 

I hate that I feel sick when he touches my stomach 

And the biggest thing I hate is that others mums I no and a lot of others out there think they are alone and suffer without a word 

You are not alone 

I have my beautiful children the man of my dreams 

But this is proof you can never judge anyone you don’t know there story 

You need to tell someone you're struggling it will be worse if you don’t...